Not sure what to say to your kids?: School counselors offer advice about how to talk to kids of all ages about what’s happening

“‘The truth! Tell them the truth. We want to know what’s going on and if you don’t tell us we feel like it’s worse than maybe it is.’””

Jenny Kaiser, Galena Primary School guidance counselor, on what her 9-year-old son said when she asked for advice about what parents should say to kids who might be worrying

GALENA–No school, being cooped up in the house, constant news coverage about a global pandemic and empty shelves at the grocery store. It can all lead to some serious anxiety issues. Counselors are sharing some ways to cope and talk with children about what’s happening.

Jenny Kaiser, Galena Primary School guidance counselor, encouraged parents to remember how observant children are and that they take their “feeling cues” from the people in their lives who they trust to care for and protect them.

“As difficult as it may be, it is crucial for parents to remain calm and reassuring when speaking with your children,” said Kaiser. “At this point it would be safe to say that most, if not all, children are aware that there is a virus causing people to be ill. Some may know that it is even causing people to die. I recommend assessing your child’s level of knowledge and information on this topic. Ask them if they have any thoughts or fears related to this situation. If and when they say they do, listen to them and talk with them about how they are feeling.”

Kaiser said that while it may be tempting to say “you’ll be fine” or “don’t worry,” that’s not helpful to a child who is worrying. Providing facts and information at their level of understanding is more helpful is making them feel at ease and comfortable that the adults in their lives are hearing them and understanding their feelings.

As Kaiser put her 9-year-old son to bed Sunday night, she asked him what advice he thought she should give to parents to help their kids who might be worrying.

“Without any hesitation, he said, ‘The truth! Tell them the truth. We want to know what’s going on and if you don’t tell us we feel like it’s worse than maybe it is,’” said Kaiser. “He then immediately followed that up with ‘And piece of advice number-two is give the kids ice cream. It makes everyone feel better when we get ice cream–it’s just so good.’ He’s 9, so I think he’s spot on with his advice.”

Being mindful of our own reactions to news unfolding is also highly advised, said Kaiser, who offered her own experience as an example.

Sunday, when she learned of restaurants and bars being ordered to close for the next couple weeks, she blurted out in shock to her husband, only to realize almost immediately that she had two sets of little eyes watching and ears listening and discerning the situation.

“Even though this is a stressful and uncertain time for adults, it’s advisable to work on minimizing the negative–as much as possible–and finding a way to portray some positives in this situation,” said Kaiser. “In order to best care for the anxiety of our little ones, I also advise adults to work through their own anxiety as much as possible and focus on their own self-care first. Talk to loved ones, take deep breaths, go out for a walk and get some fresh air. Model good and positive behavior for your children as often as possible, and talk about good hygiene practices. Parents can remind their kids that much of what we’re doing is to prevent the rapid spread of this virus, and we are trying to be safe and healthy. ”

Before school was released for break, Kaiser said, the students in guidance class went through lessons in hygiene and hand-washing, and third and fourth grade students did a bread experiment in which they touched bread with washed hands and without to contrast the results after two weeks. The bread touched by dirty hands was covered in mold and bacteria. Dr. Beth Gullone also visited to talk with students about germs and hand washing.

“As this situation continues to evolve, I would recommend limiting your child’s media information and news watching,” Kaiser suggested, noting regular exercise and a sleep schedule are important as well. “Keep them on a structured schedule, if possible, and help them stay busy and productive.”

Kaiser said if parents notice a change in their child’s sleeping or eating habits or excessive mood swings, it’s a good idea to talk about how the child is feeling.

“While it may be a first thought to discount these symptoms as ‘staying home boredom’ or ‘not busy enough, so not tired enough to sleep’ changes in sleep, diet and mood are actually very classic symptoms of anxiety,” Kaiser said.

Kaiser said that if the Galena School District moves to an e-learning program, counselors will be available and more than happy to correspond with parents and students in need of support.

“We will help with guiding families in any direction we can to find community help and resources as needs arise,” she said. “We are mothers, too, and each of us are experiencing life at home with our children as well. We understand not only the professional aspect this type of strain puts on families, but also on a personal level as we see our own children learn about what is happening right now.”

Brooke Deppe, guidance counselor at Galena High School, said it’s important to see where kids are and validate their feelings. At her house, her family “takes it to the table.” They set aside devices and engage in conversation as a way to check in with one another.

For high school students, seniors, in particular, being out of school and having extra-curricular activities cancelled is creating a true sense of loss. Competitions, rehearsals and drama performances are on hold or simply not happening. There’s a sense of unknown about prom, graduation and other end-of-the-year activities.

“Their lasts are being taken away from them,” said Deppe, noting that it’s important to extend compassion and understanding for the youth, many of whom might be experiencing that sense of loss for the first time.

Deppe said kids can definitely see if their parents are stressed out, and they’ll take their cues from adults.

She noted that not all kids want to talk to their parents, so it’s important to make sure those kids have a mentor or other trusted adult with whom they can share their feelings and concerns “so that they have somebody,” Deppe added.

Deppe said that district officials are concerned about students eating and having enough food during this time.

While officials are hopeful they’ll be able to institute a grab-and-go lunch program at some point, she noted the district’s food pantry, the Pirate Pantry, is available.

Deppe encouraged those in need to reach out to the district office at 815-777-3086 to set up a time to gain access to the pantry.